Aunt Dot, for picking me up from kindergarten, holding my hand as we crossed the street, and being excited to see me. Still, after fifty years, I remember.
Davey and Dayna, for being my first playmates and for being so supportive of our family as our mom passed from this life into the next.
Spencer, for being my first best friend and for teaching me where babies come from. I didn’t believe you, so I asked our first-grade teacher, Miss Glass. She confirmed you were right.
Dad, for saving my life more than once and for listening to vinyl records when I was growing up. Your love floated through the music to me in ABBA, Reba, Tanya, Johnny, and many more lyrics, then and now.
Julie Ann, for being light and happy since the first time I met you in seventh grade and for telling me the truth even when it was so difficult.
Cole, for being the best playmate a little girl would ask for. Tromping through the swamps and building forts in the woods are the best memories I have as a child.
Harry, for the porcelain nativity that sits on my mantle every Christmas. I love how it makes me remember you.
Gentry, for being the gentle young woman, wife, and mother I looked up to and wanted to emulate.
Madeline, for letting me live in your basement; otherwise, I would have been homeless.
Lisa and Edie, for loving me, especially when I was falling apart. And for sneaking in to see me when I was in drug and alcohol rehab.
Richal, thank you for being my best friend when I returned to Helena in 1990 and loving my baby very much.
Richard, for being a light in our mother’s life. She was so proud of you. And for marrying Liz!
Robert, for telling the truth over and over and over again and being resilient, kind, and good. I am in awe of your strength.
James, for wanting me in your life, making plans to travel to Europe and coming back to comfort me in the summer of 2018.
Natalia, you brought joy into my life the day you were born. I love you.
Kinsley, for loving James so deeply. He worshipped you.
Steve, for loving me even though I didn’t know and for telling your mother so she could tell me at your funeral.
Dan, for being an amazing friend, even when I was a hot mess. And then for telling me you loved me in a letter after I moved.
Kevin, for making me laugh every time I see you and for always making me feel pretty.
Aunt Sid, for sharing your makeup when I was just a little girl, making my clothes, which made me love the color purple, paying my bills in 1987, and always loving me.
Harry and Linda, for not pressing charges. You could have sent me to jail, and instead, you chose mercy.
Nipsy, for being my friend, for listening to Crystal Gayle with me, and for putting up with my infatuation with “Patch.”
Joan, for seeing me, for coming home and saving my life, loving me, nicknaming me Keener, and putting everything on the line to be together. Then, forgiving me 100%.
Jolene, for showing me that heterosexual marriage could bring happiness, for showing me unconditional love for my entire life, and for telling me the truth and validating my memories.
Guy, for being you, seeing me and showing me a part of myself I had abandoned.
Les and Leona, for saving my life, bringing me into your home, and giving me a job and a soft place to land while I figured out my next steps.
Justin, for loving me and our baby, letting me go, and never putting expectations on me. For being there now.
Aunt Barb, for raising some of the most kind and loving humans I know and for always loving me, no matter what.
All my Bishop’s in the LDS church, for being a merciful, revelatory place of peace and safety.
Joshua, for being my first born child. The love we shared changed me forever for the better.
Marla, for loving my baby like your own and for giving me back all my checks for childcare.
Chuck and Sue, for loving my baby, always giving him special treatment and treating us like we were family.
Perry, for the fun times in college. You made me laugh!
Maryl and Fred, for showing me what I wanted to create in the way of a marriage, a home, and a retirement life.
Steve, for being so conscious as you raised, loved, and taught your son. The work you did as a father is one of my greatest blessings. For loving my firstborn son so deeply!
Shelly, for showing me how to continue on, regardless of the pain. For being an example of loving no matter what.
Linda, for being the kind of mother I wanted to be to your grandchildren.
Carrie, for serving me relentlessly when I was pregnant with my second child. You were the perfect example of how to serve others.
Lynnane, for sticking up for me when I didn’t know how to stick up for myself. For wanting to travel together and for loving me.
Jo, for showing me how to be a wife and for always staying in touch no matter where I am.
Allysa, for being my best friend for 25 years, for a lifetime of memories, and for giving me a list of fifty things you loved about me on my 50th birthday. I refer to it often.
Men and women I worked alongside in the LDS church in leadership callings, for your example and love that helped me move forward year after year after year even and especially when you had no idea how much pain I was in and what I was dealing with in my personal life.
Hijo, for wanting and letting me be your surrogate mama since your own mother passed away and for always calling me mama when we talk.
Amy, thank you for inviting me to a workshop that changed my life and for continually reminding me what I most deeply believe: there is enough love for everyone, no matter what.
Rick, for remembering my birthday for 27 years and sending me a letter of love.
Lexi, for being there when I could not. For being the safe place she needed. For the beautiful flower you gave me that sits on my Christmas tree every year, and for being a best friend to the most important people in my world.
Gary and my friends at Rise, for accepting me exactly where I was and helping me love and trust myself.
Saryon, for teaching me that living my truth is the best thing I can do for the whole world.
Ennis, for teaching me that what I was looking for outside myself was within me all along. You were 100% correct.
Lori, for teaching me how to listen. No one does it better than you.
Paul, for calling me Musey and for teaching me voice dialogue. You are the best, and you taught me well.
Charlotte, for always remembering my children at Christmas. Your gifts were so appreciated.
Gma’ Helen, for being kind with no expectations, just offering love.
Keri, for being the most amazing running partner of all time, I felt like we could fly together.
Christina (and Griffin), for trusting me as a friend and mother. For seeing what I did and wanting to do the same. And then for telling me over and over again. Griffin, for being excited to visit.
Cheryl, for teaching me how to “Go to Bermuda” and helping me learn how to live in my parasympathetic nervous system
Maddie, for being my favorite people’s best friend, a patient and kind wife, and an amazing mother to two of my favorite people on earth. Watching you, I have learned so much.
Christina, thank you for doing your own work that allowed you to help facilitate me in creating the life I dreamed about.
Laura, for supporting me in one of the trickiest times of my life. For going on the journey with me even when you knew better than me how it would turn out. And for marrying me and my soulmate in 2020.
Zeph, for telling me that we are lovers in an alternative universe, believing in me, and giving me the most inspired higher self-reading I have ever been given.
Julie, for being an amazing friend to my daughter and for showing me how to let go and allow my husband to love and comfort me.
Steph, for being my surrogate mother at the awakening and for opening your home to others who need a safe place to land.
Brian, for being one of the three musketeers with Jer and me. For always having a sparkle in your eye for trusting so powerfully, and living from your own personal guidance system
Liz, for always calling at exactly the right time. So many of our conversations pushed me to be more transparent in this book.
Renee, for pursuing your art and for inspiring me every time I see one of your paintings. You are so talented.
Kevin Shawn, for showing me that my brain is as important as my heart and for sending me the most beautiful text I have ever received. At times, I still refer to it when I am feeling low.
Daniel, for accepting my love and my simple acts of service and for being my biggest cheerleader.
Shaelene, for being our other daughter, we love you for showing up on a very down day, for allowing me to see who you really are, and for being an amazing mother to one of my favorite humans.
Uncle Dave, for seeing the little girl in me and validating her pain, always being willing to have an honest conversation, and being a straight shooter!
Bridget, for being the only writing mentor who could have gotten my story out of my heart and brain. Your compassion, patience, and trust in your processes were the space I needed to tell my story fully and uncover my own Living Blueprint. You are amazing.
Jeff, for the memories and for helping me to understand that sexuality is such a gift - a chance to experience some of life’s greatest moments with not only ourselves but with others, too.
Hannah, for your editing expertise. You pushed me to go deeper, see the connections, and ultimately uncover the Living Blueprint in my own journey. And you said you loved me, making me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Jacob, for being the person I trust more than anyone alive, for allowing me to be your closest friend, and for being the best papa to one of the most important little humans in my life.
Kari, for treating me as an equal, being interested in my life every time I see you and always being an example of gracious womanhood ever since I was a little girl and would visit your home on the farm in Byron, WY.
Michelle, by only your example, for teaching me that touching my children lovingly and affectionately during church meetings was good and that it was the best way to help them settle and sit quietly.
Michel, for being the brightest and most naturally talented person I have ever known and for being a safe place for anyone in the LGBTQIA+ community. For helping me in 2020 to come out of my shell, create an IG account and website, and start sharing myself more fully on social media.
Carter, for loving me perfectly and giving me the best hugs since the time you learned to give hugs. I ache to have your arms around my neck and feel your hugs again. I love you, grandson.
Jeremy, for wanting to share your good news with me, trusting me with “our project,” and validating every spiritual gift I have ever been given. I will always hate the choice you made, and I will always be thankful for the gift you gave me. I can’t wait to hug you again, brother.
Jessica, for opening my heart, mind, and body to a part of myself I had disowned, shut down, and learned to hide. For being patient in my process.
Haven, for showing me that I deserved to be valued, loved, and cherished and for being the catalyst to learning to love myself first.
Vanessa, for believing that all things are possible with God and for walking with me into the most sacred space I have ever experienced.
Adam, for priceless feedback which made this book better and for asking and caring about my experience with the LDS church.
Chandler, for being so in tune that you pulled up a chair for Jer in our first meeting, for cheering me so much, and for introducing me to Bridget. You have been an integral part of this project, my friend.
Ronan at VNV Nation, for letting me use your song to help save lives. Illusions will always have a special place in my heart.
James, for running to me every time you see me, for looking into my eyes and knowing that I love you forever and ever, and for all the snuggles. I love you, grandson!
Lorie, for showing me what a queen looks like and for teaching me that the most important things in life are not seen but felt.
Lynanne, for loving and sticking up for me and being on my side long before I was on my side.
Marilynne, for showing me what would have been and doing it with beauty, grace, and ease.
Nancy, for being my earth angel and checking on me all the time until you couldn’t do it any longer.
Uncle Gary and Aunt Kay, for telling me how beautiful I was and showing me that I was more than worth the pearl necklace and beautiful dress you gave me. And for the safe place to live when I was in high school.
Sheri, you were the best ministering sister during my divorce. Thank you for visiting me every month.
John and Tammy, for being wonderful, loving neighbors, for wanting to travel together, and for the beautiful gifts that adorn our cabin.
Pam, for showing me that a woman could be feminine, gentle, and empowered.
Sean, for checking in periodically and for a deep conversation every time we take the time to talk. You ask the best questions and know how never to shut down a conversation.
Sol, for showing me repeatedly why I made the choices I made, for lighting up my life with love in a way only you could do, and for all the times I get to see your papa love you so perfectly. I love you, grandson.
Abraham, for your peaceful, accepting, and warm presence. Your ability and willingness to communicate and hold space for others is one of the greatest blessings in my life.
Indoumi, for looking into my eyes so deeply when I got to Morocco when we had no language with which to communicate the love we felt. You are forever, my dear soul friend.
Asher, for being my brother’s person and for letting me sleep in his bed after he died. It meant more than you will ever know.
Sheri, for our conversations, your inspiring messages, and for raising amazing humans who always inspire me when I see their stories on social media.
Reno, for being free, my twin flame, loving me so passionately, drinking fake champagne in Paris with me, being willing to do anything to be together, and then letting me go so I could be free to live my truth.
Selena, for accepting me and wanting me to be your daughter-in-law even when we couldn’t understand each other. I felt your love for me.
Christian and Camden, The LDS missionaries who taught Reno and me in Portugal, for not speaking a word of English to me during your lessons and for being a conduit for the spirit to work through.
Alaia, for sharing your story with me so honestly and deeply as to make me never question another person’s sexual or gender identity choices ever again.
Darrin, for the fire walks, kava conversation, and for being an honorable man.
Masha, for being the embodiment of freedom and femineity and for inviting me to be a part of your birthday, the most spiritual and celebratory experiences of a person’s life, while they are still alive, I have ever experienced.
Daniel, Pam, Pricilla, Jo, Michael, Masha, Jessica, Maria Jose, Rebecca, Joan, Jared, Gary, Kashturi, Madison, Allysa, Rick, Shaelene, Joshua, Allysa, Michel, Brita, Steve, Steph, Michael Wayne, Adam, Brad, Shari, Liz, Spencer, Masha, Hadlee, and Chandler, for reading and reviewing Living Blueprint and giving me valuable feedback. This book is amazing because of each of you!
Christina, for your hands-on expert clinical review and advice! And for your affirmation and encouragement of the Living Blueprint project!
Jim and Jody Dodd, for showing me a proto-type of the family I desperately wanted to create.
Randy, for being “the place and the person” I would turn to if I ever had nowhere else to turn.
Amit, for being the most beautiful human I have ever seen, for helping me reach the top of Toubkal, and for wanting to create a hostel in Portugal with me. Had it been my truth, it would have been fabulous.
Shari, for being the best mother I have ever seen, a safe place to lie my head, for creating a space where I felt free just to be me, and for showing me in real time what forgiveness looks like. And for helping to create a beautiful book cover for Living Blueprint. I love it!
Alex, for uncovering the bandit in me and helping me own all of my personality through the clothes I wear and how I present myself to others.
Bridget and Hannah, for being the only writing mentor and editor who could have gotten my story out of my heart, brain, and body. I’m serious! Your compassion, patience, and trust in your processes were the space I needed to tell my story and uncover Living Blueprint.
Spencer’s friends, spouses, and colleagues at Madison Creek and Ensign for being a group of people who challenge him to be his best self, with whom he can show up authentically, and for being a workplace he loves.
Kevin and Carla, for being willing to take care of my mother’s body in the most loving and respectful manner after she passed away. And for helping to put on the best dance shows when were children, Carla.
Uncle Eddie and Aunt Louise, for taking care of all the needed preparations for my mom's funeral and burial in Wyoming. It was perfect.
Dave, for texting Spencer that my mom was so sick. I know you were inspired to do so.
Rebecca, for fully understanding that I am an introvert and then helping me get my legs under me so that could step into the world with my book and the message of Living Blueprint.
RHG Publishing, Chisom, Misti, Shannon, etc., for helping me prepare, package, and share the message of Living Blueprint with the world. I couldn’t have done all this without all of you.
Chrissy and the team at Kolor Addikt, for creating a beautiful website that I am proud of and for helping me feel confident in sharing my gifts and my message on a website platform globally.
Jen, for moving 7000 ft above sea level to follow your dream and becoming my friend and amazing walking partner. You are a blessing in my life.
Mom, for the last video you sent me. It was the first, last, and only time I ever felt our relationship perfectly free of the pain we had both endured in this life. It was the feeling I always dreamed of having with you. It is what I believe it will be like in heaven. It is how I will always remember us, mama.
Spencer, my love, for your loyalty to me for these past thirty years. For choosing our family, especially during the divorce, and being willing to say, “I’m sorry.” I belong with you, and I love you.
Jesus, for loving me long before I loved myself, carrying and healing my pain, never leaving me comfortless, and showing me, by your example, who I want to become.
Father in Heaven, for filling me with your spirit and for bringing into my life so many people who would be willing to love, support, and help me along my journey on earth. I look forward to being reunited with you again.